I know people who have been abused, physically, mentally, sexually. I have been a target of mental abuse. When I was younger my family life was painted with daily fear and colored with the evils of alcoholism, psychological abuse and violence. I know how it feels. I have not experienced all the horrors under the sky and I have not gone down the darkest of roads but I do know what it is to have that feeling, to fear each and every day for what it may bring, to be on your toes every minute so no one gets "upset". Too many times I stood between my parents pleading them to stop fighting. Too many times my tiny voice raised against my father. Too many times I saw my father hurt himself. One time too many I saw him grab my mother by the hair. Seven times too many I ran way with my mother, bags in our hands waiting for a bullet to hit us as we ran. Too many times I saw things get broken in my home. Too many times I saw my mother picking up the pieces, sobbing, while my father ordered her like a slave. Too many times my mother went back.
Here is just few real life scenarios from me that do not need to happen to you - and never should happen to anyone. I wanted to take my experience and write a song about an issue that is too common in our world. I wanted to portray different scenarios where violence takes place, at least scratch the surface of this very complex yet simple problem. Violence comes in various forms and the target changes from child to wife to husband to elderly person to everything under the sky. So does the degree and nature of the acts of violence. But the essence is always the same: It is always wrong and there are no excuses for it. Nothing justifies violence. No one has the right to make you suffer and if you have issues with yourself and your life, it doesn't give you the right to take it out on other people. This way you only continue the cycle and spread it like a disease.
If you have a history of violence, get help and deal with the real reasons behind your behavior. If you are in a violent relationship, get out of it - now! There are no excuses for staying, none. Don't victimize yourself. Don't hope the abuser changes and does it no more, that is a lose-lose thought. Without proper steps of rehabilitation things will never change and even in such hopeful case, it is far more likely that the problem gets worse than it is for it to go away. Even if you have somehow "contributed" to a fight predating the assault, it makes no difference. No matter what you did it still does not give anyone the right to hit you. You need to be brave and walk away from the situation and decide - yes, decide - you will not let anyone treat you this way. You are better than that.
If you have children and they are witnessing a chaotic atmosphere full of violence, substance abuse, mental abuse, any kind of abuse either directed at you or at them - take your children and run. Do not "stay for the kid's sake". The kid is far better off living with one parent who behaves in a healthy way than in a home full of damaging patterns to repeat in their own lives. And if they see you get beaten and disrespected and you do not leave, you are teaching them that such behavior is okay. They will take in the lesson and they will act it out. Do not inflict emotional and physical pain on your children by forcing them to grow up around violence and abusive behavior.
If you (and your kids) are experiencing violence in your own home, you need to call someone immediately. Open up to those who are closest to you. Don't be discouraged if they can't handle it, it is more than likely that you are much stronger than those who have not been exposed to such ugliness. Do not give up and fall back in because it is easier or because things would be "too hard". They are not, if you want to protect your life and your children's lives. Contact your local police station or any organization or community which guides and helps people with domestic violence issues. Help is out there, you just need to take the first step. And do not feel ashamed, you are not guilty of anything and there is nothing to be ashamed of in your situation. You have not "brought it upon yourself" even if your abuser says so. You do not deserve to be hit for any reason. You need to respect yourself and save yourself. Seek help before the damage is beyond repair. God be with you.
Sincerely,
Kimmo
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